Thursday, December 14, 2006

My Guardian Angel

p.s. mm i wrote this piece on 8/10 but decided against posting it during the odac outdoor buffet for private and complicated reasons... but reading it again i feel only pride now :) so to let u guys read as well as to keep it in my diary to be printed, lemme post this.


My Guardian Angel

He was magnificent. A warm smile with a body to die for, he was lean and muscular. His physique rippled across his body like a toned gymnast; the well defined muscles reflecting the light of the moon in the night sky. He was tall (ok uh by my standards he was...) - nearly a head taller than me. His arms were sleek, yet powerful, although this did not soften his embrace at all. His eyes were blue - a deep blue that penetrated the illusions of the world and saw my innermost desires. His voice was deep, yet mellow - a voice that touched my heart and resonated through my soul. But these perfections paled in comparison to the most captivating and defining part of him: his wings.

Pure-white - that was the color of his wings. It was not a dull white one sees on the concrete walls or the pale white of the fluorescent light; nay, it was the dazzling white of the gowns of brides in fairytales. In their full glory, the pair of wings reached out more than twice the length of his arm, extending from his shoulder blades. A single beat of the wings generated a powerful blast of air that could lift him with ease into the air. Donning only soft white long pants, he flew bare-bodied with a grace that revealed his silent strength. He was my perfect symbol of beauty.

Of course, but what is a man without character? And what a character he had. He knew every trouble that I had, and every secret that I kept. He knew all my insecurities, all my weaknesses and all my sadness. When I had troubles, he looked at me with his deep blue eyes, understanding my torment. When I cried, he enfolded me in his arms and comforted me. When I despaired, he folded his wings around me to bring me warmth and hope. When I was drained, he took me into the skies to show me the stars that I may be revitalized by the cool night air. When I went to sleep, he guarded my dreams.

And when I flew with him, I felt the exhilaration of freedom in the air, yet always felt comforted by his calm presence. When I hugged him, his body radiated a warmth that pervaded into my own heart. When he shielded me with his wings, wings that were laced with a scent of tranquility, he calmed me. The solace... oh gosh... how can I describe the ultimate peace and serenity that he exuded within him. For any single trouble or worry, all I had to do was to retreat into the embrace of his powerful arms, and feel his soft wings surround me; to be held like a child and be protected from the evils of the world.

I know now why I did not remember his name. Names are a symbol of identity, but if I knew my guardian angel inside out, would I need a name? Not when nobody else knows him but me.

For a week, my imagination soared and I gave my insecurities a shape and form, molding them into a single powerful symbol of my dreams. And while I gave him life, I lost a bit of my soul in the process. For he was a part of me. And while he remained an individual, a part became apart as I split my soul in two.

Behind this thick and high wall of delusion I constructed, Truth was slowly battering its way through. And as I strengthened the fortifications from within, I was but caving myself in. Thus, I opened the gates. Truth entered in, shattering the barricades in a single strike. Then again, I was never too far from the truth, for I used truth for clay, in building my guardian angel; perhaps that was why the fortifications were so strong. I built him from my mind, in my mind, and I could only return him to my mind, where he belonged.

For those few days though, I had a taste of heaven. Can you say the same?

don't judge me...

|1:39 AM|


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